Fuckault

Today I learned that a lot of people are famous for thinking and talking a lot about the way people think and talk.  And I am now paying lots of money to think and talk about what people who think and talk think and say about the way people think and talk.

I learned that Shakespeare, like Lefty Gomez, was more lucky than good.

I learned that “England doesn’t have a constitution.  They have the Magna Carta and that thing they made Charles II sign so he could be king.”

And I (re-)learned that a pyrrhic victory is one in which you technically win, but the resultant feeling is hollow because you lose so much in the process of winning.  This eerily sums up how I feel about grad school.

Degaski

Today I learned that the only word I understand in a Russian language instructional video is “Degas”.

Renege

Today I had the day off and didn’t learn anything from grad school.

Well, this animate student is concerned

Today I learned this:

“Another way to put this would be to say that neither reading of the question — which we might for convenience’s sake label as “Is there a text in this class?” — would be immediately available to any native speaker of the language.  “Is there a text in this class?” is interpretable or readable only by someone who already knows what is included under the general rubric of “first day of class” (what concerns animate students, what bureaucratic matters must be attended to before instruction begins) and who therefore hears the utterance under the aegis of that knowledge, which is not applied after the fact but is responsible for the shape the fact immediately has.  To someone whose consciousness is not already informed by that knowledge, “Is there a text in this class?” would be just as unavailable as “Is there a text in this class?” would be to someone who was not already aware of the disputed issues in contemporary literary theory.  I am not saying that for some readers or hearers the question would be wholly unintelligible (indeed…I will be arguing that unintelligibility, in the strict or pure sense, is an impossibility), but that there are readers or hearers for whom the intelligibility of the question would have neither of the shapes it had, in a temporal succession, for my colleague.”

I mean, sure.

Wait, there’s a colleague?

Not that kind of foot

Today I learned that occasionally you can have a trochee in the second foot of iambic pentameter.  This ups the number of people on earth with whom I can converse by a maximum of one.

(not a trochee)

(but I bet this girl gets laid CONSTANTLY)

You look dewey in this light

Today I learned that the design library works suspiciously like all other libraries, except with better lighting.

Um, you can get shoes at Goodwill

Today I learned that my student who carries a Justin Bieber notebook does not do so in earnest.  I am relieved.

I learned that the library rule about not putting your bare feet on the table did not make it into the Harvard orientation packet.

And today I learned that every time you want to say “um”, you should replace it with a breath.  You will sound smarter.  If you say “um” as much as I do, you may also pass out, but nobody ever said you should be conscious for grad school.

Your mom is a hypertrophy

Today I learned that, even though he has some interesting things to say, you should never trust anything written by this guy:

Because he is boring and his picture disturbs me.

Today I also learned that my professors can throw off phrases like “hypertrophy of the individual” without a trace of irony.  I’m pretty sure I’ll never be able to do this.

Finally, I learned that the humanities are dead and Americans are the loneliest people in the world.  I have often suspected after a few glasses of medicinal scotch that I’m a member of a lonely race who will never have a job, but it’s nice to have it validated by an institution of higher learning, for the small price of tens of thousands of dollars of debt.

Cracked

Today I learned that the Harvard dental services office does not make appointments for those who have Harvard dental insurance.  They make appointments for people with other insurance, but not for those with Harvard dental insurance.

They kindly offered to transfer me to the Harvard insurance provider, which led me to a recording transferring me back to the Harvard dental office.  The third time this happened, I asked for the direct number and called it myself.  This took me back to the recording and thus back to the Harvard dental office.  On the fifth try, I pressed 0 to speak to the switchboard operator.  She transferred me back to the Harvard dental office.

I have a cracked tooth in my mouth and some medicinal scotch in my hand.